Every now and then

It's been 4 long years since I've been fighting for something which is just to show my boys that I love them and that I always want them and to be with them regardless of what they may think because of what they are taught or told. 

Never ever in the entire 10 and 11 years have I had a disagreement where my boys have ever wanted to run away from me or hate me or not want to

Be with me. That is a feat in itself to just validate my being as a mother.  Things never got to the point where we couldn't talk it out with the exception of a few instances that had to be addressed later when we both had time to talk and not tantrum. It breaks my heart because on one end I know that I am a good mom and on the other end their father has made me feel guilt for a world he has created in their mind about me. It was a loud crying moment but it's over and I cry because my heart hurts just the same as it does everytime I miss them and can't make sense of it.